by Jan in Michigan
I have been to counselors; I have talked and talked.... It works for a while. The fact that I am working with children makes me nervous about telling anyone. I feel that I have to maintain and be the strong one, as I have always expected that of me. I am fortunate enough to have insurance to cover any need for help, but I am to the point where I feel it is not doing a great deal of good. My fear of being on medication and becoming dependent on something is always with me.
I am married and have a wonderful husband who is kind, but just does not get it. He is always in a good mood and never seems to see the reality of what is going on. He is there for my daughter and I and has done everything he can to help raise her as well as his own boys. It is a difficult relationship between my daughter and my husband's boys. The boys were jealous of her and what she has accomplished at college and in her job, as they barely got through high school. The problem with the kids has been, at times, serious, and has created a lot of difficulties between us. This, and now financial difficulties, is not helping.
Right now I am experiencing constant headaches and stomach problems, and never seem to be able to take time to go to the doctor. I have put off appointments or didn't make one at all. I realize that that is exactly what I should do and the sooner, the better. Maybe having an outlet to write this has made me see what I need to do, to make me want to move on and not feel so lonely and confused and just want the world to leave me alone. Depression seems to sneak up and just take hold -- no warning, no anything, it just takes over.