by Fatima in California
I have had obsessive compulsive disorder for the past 13 years, since I was 18. It affected my schoolwork. When I was getting my B.A. degree, I had severe OCD. I was on the highest dosage possible for my medication and lived in an extremely dysfunctional family.
Surprisingly, I did very well at the university and excelled as a student. Later in my life, I started work as an office manager for two years to try to avoid being part of the dysfunctional family problems. Suffering from severe OCD, I began taking some behavioral therapy, but did not take any medication. I was checking compulsively and experiencing obsessive thoughts everyday at work. I was doing an excellent job – I got promoted and got a raise in my salary – but suffering silently with symptoms. No one knew the silent suffering that I experienced on a daily basis.
I have insurance coverage. I have received medication, family therapy, and behavioral therapy treatment. Blue Cross Insurance had rejected my application for insurance due to my mental illness.
I am married, but do not have children. I live in a one bedroom apartment. I have a B.A. in Liberal Studies with an emphasis in Communication Studies. I like to watch movies, detective shows, and read books. My life is very lonely and depressing. I am now on an antidepressant and have to bear the side effects. My dysfunctional family has broken up more, and I only have my parents and my husband who are my support in my life. Of course, God has always helped me survive through this up until now.
I am usually very sleepy during the day and cannot even keep a regular schedule of exercise everyday. I need to lose weight, but it seems impossible. I just wish I had the normal brain and the normal weight that I had many years ago.
People need to believe others who are suffering through any type of mental illness and not pass their own judgments about it. I have faced it in my family through some family members who do not believe my mental illness and just think it is Satan causing my illness. They blame me and say that I am not spiritual enough. What is the use of such spirituality in life when they do not even have any mercy or compassion for me as I suffer from severe OCD?
I have been on many medications in my life. I had to change my insurance since I had to leave work. I had a very nice therapist. He was genuinely trying to help me by being very caring and thoughtful. He told me that I can call him anytime to talk to him. I just want to have a normal life with a normal brain and get freedom from OCD, which is a very difficult journey lying ahead of me.
Also, to the families who might be reading my story, please think about what detrimental effects you may place on your child, which he/she does not have to be a victim of an environment of fear, irrational hatred, fighting and emotional abuse. I have read many books on OCD and listened to a lecture from a top psychologist. OCD is a combination of environment and a chemical imbalance of serotonin in the brain. I am crying while writing my story, but it has helped me show others that they are not alone suffering from mental illness.