by Patricia in California
My name is Patricia and I am 16-years-old. On November 28, 2007, when I was at my greatest downfall due to depression, I was admitted into a mental hospital for suicidal behavior. I had been diagnosed with depression and started treatment two months earlier. My depression symptoms started two years earlier. I noticed something was wrong with me. On the outside, I was a regular, popular teenager with a lot of ambitions but inside, I was hurting.
I was always tired, sleepless, had low energy, felt constant sadness and hoplessness, and I had loss of appetite. I then started having irrational thoughts and fears, There was something inside me telling me to do things I didn't want to do. I tried to keep those things to myself. I was scared people would think I was crazy. When I was admitted into the mental hospital, I was shocked; everyone was shocked. Me, the smart, fun, loving girl was in a mental hospital. The night of November the 28th, I had a voice in me telling me to kill myself. During my stay at the hospital my biggest goal wasn't to get better, it was to get out of that place. I still didn't tell my psychiatrist that I heard things. I was only diagnosed with major depression. Finally after six days at that hospital, I was discharged.
There are some things you always remember and some things you never forget. Being in a mental hospital was one of those experiences you never forget. I was put on antidepressants but I knew that wasn't going to be all I needed. I finally told my psychiatrist once I was out that I heard and saw irrational things. I was then put on anti-psychotics and was diagnosed with psychotic depression. I am now on new medication. When I went back to school I received a lot of discrimination from my peers. Many of them thought I was psycho. Many of my family members also saw me differently. I am still attending the same school, and if there was something I could change about the way others look at mental illness, it is that they can affect anyone. Now I am in psychotherapy and medication that have helped me greatly.