Mental illness is as real as real can get

by Bren in Louisianna

I have had a mental illness since I was 10 years old. No one in my family wants to talk about it. They stay away from me because I bring them down. I hit my rock bottom after the death of my mother nine years ago. I am under the care of a therapist and physician. I don't remember ever being free of my illness. Some days are not as bad as others, but it feels like I am reaching out for help and no one cares.

I was on sick leave for five and half months because I lost it on my job and I couldn't function. I have been on so many different kind of meds, but nothing is helping for long. I feel so bad today I just can't understand. In the past, I just wanted to kill myself. I was in outpatient therapy because I took too many pills just to rest just a little. I am back at work now and things are just the same. I am trying really hard not to break down again. My co-worker and also my supervisor do not want me to be there. They complain about every little thing that forget or do wrong. I feel like I am in jail. They listen in on my calls and constantly look at me. I had been on the job for two days when my supervisor called me into her office to inform me that my coworker wasn't pleased with my work.

I know now first-hand that there are people in the world that do not want any part of me because of my illness. I do work slower and I am having problems relearning my job. They are not willing to give me a chance, so now I am faced with hating my job and myself even more. I wish that people were aware of this illness and how bad you feel mentally and also physically. It's real as real can get....thanks for listening to a lost soul.