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I suppose I’ve always been somewhat of a risk-taker. No, I’m not
an extreme sport enthusiast, nor would I place my physical or
financial well-being in peril. But when it comes to weighing the
pursuit of high achievement against the consequence of failure, I’ll
generally opt for the former.
Perhaps the most rewarding risk I have ever taken was deciding in
1999 to speak publicly and openly about my mental illness. My
depression, for which I received intermittent treatment since
childhood, had spiraled to an all-time low without apparent cause.
I began losing my ability to concentrate, to communicate effectively
and to see that I would get better. The therapy and medications
were not working. It so affected my daily functioning that I took a
10-week leave of absence from a relatively high profile job working
for a long-term care association.
After eventually finding the right balance of medications, I started
to come out of the darkness. Upon my return to work, I chose to
share my story with my colleagues and peers. I expected mixed
reactions. I knew some would understand, some would be shocked,
and a few might be dismissive or even insensitive. I was sure that I
would be judged, treated differently and viewed as less competent
than before.
What I found instead was that every person I told had a story of a
loved one who’d been affected by mental illness or shared with me
how mental illness has affected their own lives. Many of them
commented that they didn’t understand why there is so much
stigma surrounding mental illness, given how common it is.
Nonetheless, they spoke in hushed tones during our conversations,
not wanting anyone else in the office to overhear. I was struck by
the irony, and it made me want to speak out even more.
I decided to redirect my career by combining my profession as a
nonprofit manager and advocate with my experience as a mental
health consumer. After several years of exploring opportunities and
determining how to have the widest impact, I found a home last
December as NMHA’s director of consumer advocacy.
Since joining the NMHA staff a few months ago, I have been
fortunate to get to know some of the pioneers of the consumer
movement. I have heard them and countless other consumers share
their stories of trials and triumphs throughout their recovery.
Although each advocate’s story is somewhat unique, one common
element exists among all of them: the dignity they gained from
speaking out.
Speaking out is a critical component of my recovery. Had I not
taken that initial risk, which at the time felt great, I would not be
where I am today.
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