| Mental Health America Bell of Hope Memorial |
In Loving Memory of
Cliff was my older brother who suffered from borderline Schizophrenia. As a young child, he was described as the "perfect" child and had no signs of any mental disorder. In his late teenage years he began experimenting with drugs, and rebelling. He seemed to be doing what young male teens often did his age. He went on to serve in the US Navy for four years. Among his high intelligence and his big-hearted ways towards others, he began to experience early signs of depression, in his early twenties, which quickly turned into delusions and audio hallucinations. He began to get in trouble and spent time in and out of jail for minor offenses, such as Violation of Probation, etc. This lasted on and off for 10 to 15 years. He suffered for years, while in and out of the judicial system. My father, a former Judge and Active Attorney fought tirelessly to try and get him into residential facility’s that would help to get him well. The Florida Jail system and mental health facilities are overcrowded and they rarely follow through with giving patients their prescribed medication, even though they are aware that inmates and or patients have trouble taking and staying on medication. On March 27th 2003, we thought our prayers had been answered. The Facility my father had pushed to get my brother in, for so many years finally had an opening. My brother recently had been bakeracted for trying to harm himself, while awaiting a court appearance after his latest VOP. The Judge released my brother in my father’s care, so they could gather his belongings. My father was going to take my brother to the Salvation Army, where my brother would only have to wait a few day's before getting his bed at the treatment facility we had so desperately prayed for. After a seemingly normal breakfast, my Father and brother arrived home to our Condo. When I came home for my lunch break, I was so excited my brother and Dad were home so I could discuss what happened at court. My Dad was so relieved that my brother finally had a bed at this treatment facility. I was excited as well. I ran up the stairs to say hello to my big brother, My Dad had told me he grew out a beard and I couldn’t wait to poke fun at his new facial hair. I also wanted to try on some new clothes I had just bought. As I ran up the stairs, I yelled out to him, “Hey Cliff!” The walls in our condo were thick so it wasn’t unusual to not get a response. We had adjoining bathrooms so when I entered the bathroom to check out my new shirt, I noticed my brother through the corner of my eye. He appeared to be napping, but my heart knew deep down that was not the case. As I slowly approached the bed, I only focused on his Hunter Green Polo shirt. The shirt was tight enough for me to see if his stomach had any movement, as to see if he was breathing without approaching. I glanced slowly from his stomach upward to his face to see the beard I had wanted to poke fun at so badly 5 minutes before. I can’t tell you exactly what I saw because the details are fuzzy. Yet, I knew my brother had taken his life. I calmly turned around and walked down the stairs. I knew I was about do the hardest thing I would ever have to do. My Father was on the phone getting directions to the Salvation Army, when I had to tell my Father that his son had shot himself. I wonder if things would have turned out differently if our judicial system, would have acted appropriately in getting my brother treatment. If they would have taken his threats seriously and actually tried to help him and his illness. We received the records from the Mental Health Network where he had been the days prior to his death. In the records, the Doctor in charge, indicates that “Cliff suffers from clear delusions that if he shoots himself, that the worlds problems would be no more, and there would be peace on earth.” This was written the day before he was released to report to the Salvation Army. If my brother knew, what we know now about the diseases he may have understood that it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s up to us, to encourage society and the courts to raise awareness of this serious illness and critical flaw in our judicial system. Please help us to raise awareness for this cause. It can save a life if we unite. - Keri Nicole Kilgore Keri,
You are such a brave young woman and hopefully this memorial will
help you heal from all you have been through. Cliff is not hurting
anymore and I believe he is in heaven with God. Love you sweetie, Kari,
that was such a lovely tribute to Cliff, I remember he was the sweetest
child, only interested in pleasing others. God bless. I
think this is very healthy for you, Keri. Hopefully this will help
others realize the seriousness of mental illnesses. It is NOT something
one chooses. It is a medical disease that requires treatment. Cliff
would be so proud of you. Keri
I am so proud of what you are doing. May God watch over you. I know
that cliff is and that he is out of pain and in great peace in heaven.
I love you. Keri...
You are amazing person! Cliff is so proud of you, I know it! I admire
the way you have chosen to honor your big brother. With your determination,
You will raise awareness for others who might not know where to turn...
You are a blessing to me and my family. It had to be hard to put
into words your experience, May this bring you some peace, and heal
your heart. All our love and support, Always... What
a beautiful remembrance of your brother. Although I never knew Cliff,
he must have been a wonderful son, father and brother! You are an
amazing woman, and I am confident that Cliff is not only in peace,
but looking down, a smiling, proud, big brother! In Peace, Lisa E. Keri,
you are a guiding light in SO many lives. I feel very fortunate to
have been able to witness your strength, dignity, veracity, and wisdom
grow over the years. Cliff will live on forever in you and your family's
heart and mind. He too has watched you, his baby sister, blossom
and embrace life. You have much to look forward sweetie! Thank you
for all you do! I love you!! Keri:That
was a magnificent memorial to your brother and reinforces my belief
in you as a powerful spirit that can move and accomplish what you
will,in those areas and things that you focus on. Your ability to
make others feel something through your creative energy is a special
gift and I suspect , that in pursuing a law degree you will be a
very unique entity in that field. Your power lies in your creativeness
and you will merge and blend two professional paths into a a special
force that will bring many benefits to many in need of them.Thank
you for your friendship and for all the help you have been to me,
and for sharing this beautiful and heartfelt tribute to your brother
with me.Your friend,
:Bill
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