Real Lives Stories
To assist you in telling your personal story, below is a series of engaging Real Lives stories for you to take a look at. These are truly compelling stories that provide insight into the lives of several mental health consumers.
Of course, everyone's story is different. But if you're looking for a starting point, please use these submissions as examples of well-organized and thoughtful stories . Real Lives looks forward to receiving your story. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact Real Lives at reallives@mentalhealthamerica.net.
Thank you for your submission.
Enter Your Story
William — Washington, DC
I first started noticing my depression when I was in my twenties. Every few weeks I would go into a slump, often provoked by a stressful social incident that acted as a trigger. I would remain depressed for a few days and eventually recover. I also struggled with anxiety. As a professor, I recall facing a class of students and feeling amazed to find myself having a panic attack during which I could barely speak out of fear. The panic attacks became severe and frequent when speaking to groups. I tried to medicate myself using alcohol and tranquillizers, and spent many years in psychotherapy. I also sought medical help without much success by trying Lithium and tricyclic antidepressant drugs. I explored meditation and other approaches. Nothing really helped very much, and in retrospect I can see that my erratic behavior hurt my career and social life considerably. When Prozac came out, I was quick to try it under the supervision of the Mood Clinic at Georgetown University. After four weeks, I was amazed to see the depression and anxiety disappear. I felt like a human being again for the first time. It was literally as though a veil had lifted and I saw the world clearly. I felt whole. A few years ago, I was switched to Zoloft by my physician and have continued to use it for many years now. My mood remains stable and anxiety attacks are a thing of the past. I may occasionally feel a bit depressed, but it is not serious and passes quickly. I think Zoloft has diminished my libido a bit, but that is a small price to pay for feeling normal. I generally feel that the newer antidepressant drugs (selective-serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs) are a great blessing for those like me who have struggled with depression and anxiety. Critics who attack the practice do not understand the horror of mental illness.
Ellen — Oklahoma
There is not a time that I can remember that I was not depressed. As a small child, I can remember crying and crying, but not knowing why I felt the way I did. Other children did not seem to have the same feelings that I did. I became known as "sensitive." By the time I was 17, I was not only sensitive, I was suicidal. I had decided on a plan and was scared. I told my mom that I was planning on killing myself if things in my life didn't change. She immediately sought mental health care for me from our primary care doctor.
I was sent to a psychiatrist and put on medication. My mom finally left my stepfather who had been abusing us both mentally and physically for the last 15 years. Still I was battling depression. I started to have nightmares and startled easily. I became more and more irritable. I started having panic attacks. I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder. I got involved with a man who began to abuse me. I stayed in that relationship for 2 years. I didn't take my medications because he didn't feel I needed them. I suffered greatly the effects of my illness. My symptoms were at a full swing. I also didn't have insurance, making accessing health care very difficult.
Finally, I escaped this man and began to receive mental health treatment because I had insurance through the job I had. I started taking medications again and began to feel better.
Then I decided that I didn't need medications any longer and stopped taking them. In October of 2002, my mom died by suicide. She had bipolar disorder and decided that she could not fight that fight any longer. At that point, I hit rock bottom. I lost my job due to my illness. I couldn't maintain relationships and lost most of my friends. People didn't seem to want to be around me when I couldn't get out of bed or take a bath.
Finally, I decided that I WANTED to live. I began to seek services and started taking my medication religiously. I go to therapy and try to live a healthy lifestyle. I now consider myself in recovery. I know that people with serious mental illness can and do recover. I am living proof. I still experience symptoms, but I recognize when I need help and seek that support.
I work now as the coordinator of our state's Peer Specialist program called Recovery Support Specialists. I will complete my master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy in November of 2006. I am a strong advocate not only for people living with mental illnesses, but also suicide prevention and survivors of suicide. I am married and have been for three years to a wonderful man who is also in recovery. I am a step mom to a great 16 year old daughter. I love to read, play with my pets, and laugh.
If I could change one thing for people with a mental illness, I would want everyone to have a message of hope and recovery. I often wish that my mom could have had a recovery model. I wish that she could have had a peer specialist. I wish that everyone could have access to someone who inspires hope and wisdom in them. I want everyone to know that they CAN recover. I want everyone to know that all of our walks in recovery look and feel different. We take a different path and it's okay. I am hopeful that this message will reach as many people as possible.
David — California
I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in April 2003. At the time I was out from work on a requested disability so I still had medical insurance from my employer. I requested the disability in February due to stress, but little did I know that by April I would be suffering from severe OCD.
When I was admitted to the hospital, I was sure I had been infected with HIV virus that I had a microscopic spider infection and that I was carrying the anthrax germ in my body. You see my OCD was fear of contamination. For months I thought I was contaminated and that sooner or later I'd be taken out to the desert and shot by some unknown government agency that controls infections from the population. Yeah it sounds silly now, but at the time, I was living in complete fear of being discovered. Of course the use of meth (methamphetamine) didn't help any as well as the endless hours of research I did over the internet in my hopes of discovering the type and class of infection I was carrying.
I admitted myself to the hospital only because I thought the hospital would protect me from "the feds." It was a great relief when the psychiatrist told me I was suffering from an anxiety disorder and in my efforts to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol my OCD symptoms only grew worse.
I was given Paxil and Risperdal and was released from the hospital a week later. It took about two months for the medication to really work. The way I describe it is that tranquility came in waves. I would suddenly feel a sense of understanding, and I would think "what the heck was I thinking?" The first wave removed any doubts whether I had the HIV virus in me. Even though I had sought three HIV tests because I didn't trust the previous ones.
The fear of a microscopic spider infection lasted for a year until a doctor I came to trust told me spiders can t live in fluids. It was that simple. The anthrax infection theory lasted longer. To this day, I have paranoid ideas that if I went into the YMCA swimming pool, I would infect others and they would trace it back to me. So you see the fear of contamination is always with me. Although I'm no longer living IN OCD, it simply lives with me. It sprouts every now and then and I do my best to recognize that I m having an "OCD moment."
Now, I simply call it what it is. "It s just my OCD." And of course, there are days when the OCD overwhelms me - like when I'm driving on the freeway and I think I just ran somebody over and their body is hanging from my bumper. That one takes a while to overcome.
As far as relationships with friends, I alienated everybody with my weird theories and stories that made sense only to me. Yet one friend held out. He never waivered in his support for my well-being regardless of the stories I told. Today, we are best friends.
Half of my family believes that I am sick beyond repair and half don't really care. OCD is so complex that I just want to have everybody who thinks I'm crazy sit down so I could explain what it does to you and that I'm not crazy - I just have OCD. But for many, hearing that I've been in a few mental hospitals is all they needed to hear. So I live with the stigma that I'm "not all there."
I've been fortunate to be a union member at one of the big three phone companies in the U.S., so I've had plenty of time to go out on disability every time the OCD gets really bad. What made my OCD illness worse was that I also developed alcoholism and drug addiction. The doctors say that I was self-medicating. I've been sober now for 21 months, and I still take medication every day religiously.
One psychiatrist told me this: People with OCD usually are gifted with an ability for art due to their creative minds and many of them become authors or artists of some sort. So if you have OCD, don't give up on yourself and don't blame the doctors if there not sure what to do. It takes a lot of work and it takes some time, but it does get better if you persist. And one last thing, when the worst is over, you'll know exactly who really loves you for you and who your real friends are.
Debi — Hawaii
My strength is derived from the passion I hold for advocating for those less fortunate than myself, specifically those adults and children that continue to suffer from mental illnesses. I am a highly-motivated individual who chooses to use my own mental illness as an asset rather than a liability. My greatest desire is to place myself in the position to be of maximum service to others. I think it is important to state that I am still very young in my own recovery from mental illnesses and I still have much to learn. In addition, I am still learning how to effectively utilize boundary setting skills when mentoring other consumers in the adult mental health field. Overall, I firmly believe that these personal qualities will contribute to my success in my chosen field of study.
My ultimate professional goal is to serve the SPMI (serious and persistent mental illness) population as a clinical therapist. My short-term goal involves continuing to seek advancing opportunities in the human services field. Ultimately, I would like to implement services into the community-at-large that help to relieve stigma.
My chosen career is a reflection of my personal recovery story ... As an adolescent I endured years of extreme mental health problems and did not receive the necessary guidance or treatment to manage or overcome these problems. In my early and mid-twenties, I opted to "control" my emotional disturbances by utilizing illicit substances and alcohol. I knew very little about mental illnesses and the little information I did know was tainted by society's stigmas.
In 2003, at the age of 28, I voluntarily admitted myself to a long-term residential treatment center for alcohol and drug abuse. That is where I received the news that I had become an alcoholic, drug addict with co-occurring disorders, specifically depression, anxiety and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Initially, I was overwhelmed with grief and then I became grateful ... I finally understood why I was the way I was.
For several years I immersed myself in the study of mental illnesses and the mental health system at both the state and federal levels. This information was provided to me at no charge through programs offered by the State of Hawaii and its Purchase of Service providers. In 2005, after successfully graduating from two evidence-based practices as a consumer of the Adult Mental Health Division, I received supported-employment services from a non-profit agency that is a state provider. This agency assisted me in securing the present full-time employment position that I now hold.
I am a full-time, live-in resident manager and life skills specialist for a group home that serves the SPMI adult population. On a daily basis, I work with other consumers by providing guidance on developing independent living skills and because earlier this year I completed training and passed the exam to become a nationally recognized Hawaii Certified Peer Specialist, I also provide peer mentoring services. Today, I have maintained my sobriety and abstinence from any and all mind or mood altering substances for more than four years.
My situation is rare. I am a mental health consumer and an employee of a mental health provider. I am living proof that recovery from substance abuse, alcohol and mental illnesses is possible.
Tammy — North Carolina
I remember when I was around four years old feeling for the first time sad and guilty. Of course, I didn't know it was depression or the beginning of a life of feeling worthless and guilty, with no friends, bad relationships with family members and many job changes.
The only memories of my childhood were of sadness and guilt. It is so hard to remember any of the good times. Then, I had a little boy and he gave me the will to fight a battle that can never be won but can be well managed with health care - that is, health care without discrimination. I have up until the last year paid for all health care associated with my mental illness just because I did not want to be discriminated against. Even more so since I live in a small town and did not want my child to be discriminated against.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2002, and it changed my life. The diagnosis did not cure me, but I realized I wasn't a worthless individual. I realized I had a choice and a chance to be that person I knew I was all along. Don't get me wrong, sometimes my symptoms show themselves, and I have bad days. But I know I can make it through these changes as long as I have the proper health care.
The worst part about mental illness is the stigma attached to it. The stigma of being crazy and dangerous and most of all the perception that we can't be helped. Those of us with mental illnesses can be helped - just as someone with any other disease can be helped. We are worth helping and with the proper help can reach our potential. Maybe not the potential we once thought, but a more informed and in touch potential that builds character. This character comes from fighting to reach our potential.
As with any other disease or sickness the earlier you start treatment the better the outcome. We must help others understand mental illnesses by providing facts and most of all the fact that we can be helped with the proper health care.
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